Runaway cars, roller coasters that leave their tracks and speeding trains are the things action movies are made of. As the speed increases, so do our heart beats because we know there is a real possibility it "just won't stop in time."

But when the hero saves the day, we breathe a sigh of relief and sit back, confident that things are okay once again.

Sometimes life feels like that. The more things that happen, the more our life becomes that runaway train. The more we try to slow it down, the faster and faster it seems to go.

How many times have we wanted to push the "stop" button for a little while until we could collect our thoughts and slow things down long enough to make a well-thought out decision?

But life doesn't happen one thing at a time. If it did, people would have time to deal with things as they came.

Instead, one thing is followed by another, by another, by another. Until finally, it's hard to know which end is up.

We prioritize.

What fire must be put out first?

And if we're lucky, the avalanche will end at that point.

The deluge it seems, is temporarily over.

But rarely are we that lucky.

While we're fighting one fire, three more erupt somewhere else.

It's hard not to feel totally overwhelmed.

Hope is important during times like this. The ability to stop, get some perspective, and remind ourselves that nothing lasts forever, can sometimes mean the difference between coping and a complete emotional breakdown.

This last week was an avalanche for me. In the end, I had to do what was best for me. Period. I broke off engagements, rescheduled appointments and limited how much I was available until I could get some things under control.

This is a huge step for me.

Instead of trying to make everyone happy, I focused on what I could do and went from there.

And you know what I learned?

People understood.

No one was mad at me.

No one thought I was selfish.

(Not that it mattered at that point anyway!)

In the end, I made it through in one piece.

I'm learning it's okay to take care of myself sometimes, even if it means stepping away from some of the obligations I have.

At the end of the day, I am the one ultimately responsible for how I feel and the choices I've made.

This last week, I was bombarded with so many things that I didn't have time to think and re-think my decisions.

In a classic act of triage, I made split-second decisions and acted accordingly. I wasn't worried about what people thought or who might be disappointed.

I didn't have the luxury.

And that's a good thing.

For someone who isn't that great at setting boundaries, this week I set some.

And I was in a better emotional place as a result.

tags: communication, coping skills, crisis, decision-making, emotional boundaries

A fourteen hour day behind me.

Another one ahead.

One more night of no sleep.

At what point do you throw in the towel? How many times can you toss and turn over the course of six hours before you say to heck with it?

I knew this would happen. The more I need sleep, the less I seem to be able to claim it lately.

I feel my world slowly turning upside down and I feel powerless to stop it.

And so I sit here, again, listening to others sleep and resenting the heck out of them for it.

Maybe this is why people become drug addicts. They desperately need an escape that they can't get on their own.

They want their brains to turn off, just for a while, so they can find a peace of spirit that wakefulness doesn't allow.

I know what that's like.

How easy it is to take a sleeping pill rather than face one more night just like this one.

How can you face a new day when you haven't had a chance to recover from the day before?

A break. That's all I want.

A chance to step back and think about nothing at all.

I hate the way I feel and I hate the person I feel like I am becoming.

I am angry. Resentful. Negative. Curt.

A bitch.

Where does all of the frustration and pressure go? Where is the release valve? The light switch? The magic button?

In less than three hours I will be asked to face the world and I'm not ready. Oh to be able to throw the covers over my head and check out temporarily, but what's the point?

Ready or not the world is waiting and I find myself at a crossroads.

To be my authentic self would mean telling the world I am unavailable at the moment.

But that can't happen.

And so I will pull myself together and walk out the door with a smile on my face.

For the moment, I have to live a lie.

Again.

tags: anxiety, coping skills, release mechanism, self-injury, sleep deprevation

I’ve always been fascinated with office supplies. There are so many tools created to make my life easier and more organized. Some people get excited about walking around Home Depot. But I get excited just walking through Staples! So many post-its, highlighters, pens, forms and stickers!

I wish my emotions could use office supplies.

If I could, I would paper clip all of my “good” ideas together, write them on index cards and save them for later. In reality, they are scattered across my mind.

I would use an eraser, one of the big pink ones, to delete all of the negative messages I tell myself.

I would use rubber bands to keep a tight hold on my emotions. Sometimes they get the better of me and put me in situations I feel like I continue to pay for today.

I wish I had a file cabinet big enough to store all of my memories. As I get older and have more life experiences, I find that my ability to recall specifics is becoming less and less accurate. There are things that I want to remember forever, and sometimes the only way to do that is to put it in a file, label it in block letters, and pull it out when you’re ready.

I wish I had a ruler to keep my mind pointing in one direction. More often than not I feel like I protractor, wavering back and forth between right now, the future and “back there”. A ruler would keep me going in the right direction without allowing for any stray turns.

I wish I had a set of colored pencils big enough to add more color to my life. Today is a gray day, and I long for something greater than myself to reach down and fill in the blanks with something vibrant.

I wish I had a hole punch big enough to turn the excess paper in my life into colorful confetti. Confetti is so much fun to make, but a drag to clean up. So I guess if I had the hole punch, I’d also need to buy an industrial vacuum cleaner!

And finally, I wish I had a bottle of white out large enough to correct the mistakes I’ve made. White out doesn’t take the mistakes away, but it allows you to write over them. I could use a lot of “do overs”.

tags: coping skills, corrections, hope, organization