We've all done things we regret. In life, there aren't really "do overs" per se as much as there are opportunities to make different choices later on. Life is a harsh teacher, and I think by learning from others mistakes, we give ourselves a chance to learn by proxy.

Perspective is everything. Events that are emotionally complicated can become mentally overwhelming. But in retrospect, with time and objectivity, sometimes things aren't as bad as they once appeared.

In other cases, they are worse.

Last night in Dallas, a father and his small son were star gazing in the front yard. The father dozed off for a moment, the mother returned home from shopping, pulled into the driveway and went inside their home. It was only once they were inside that they heard the screaming. The mother had inadvertently run over their son and he died as a result.

How do you ever recover from something like that?

My heart breaks for this family. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to know that someone died, purely by accident, and you were the cause.

This is an extreme example I use to prove a point. So many times we feel like our words or actions have ruined someones life.

Rarely is that truly the case.

In the heat of the moment, words are exchanged that cannot be taken back. Sometimes we do things out of emotional chaos that in regular circumstances we would not. This is a fact worth remembering, so that in our next "crisis" we are able to step back and exhibit more self-control.

There is no taking it back: words, actions, thoughts. But there are new opportunities. Sometimes we have no choice but to literally go back to square one and start over. Other times we can salvage the pieces and try to re-construct what we had a hand in destroying.

But this is life. It is hard. It is cruel at times. But it belongs to each of us and it is what we make of it.

My thoughts are with the family I mentioned earlier today. It is in times like this that some of my "hard times" are put into perspective.

Today, I vow to try to keep my perspective balanced and fair. I vow to temper my words carefully and to think before I act. I cannot ensure that this will mean that tonight I won't have any regrets, but perhaps I'll have less, and that will already mean that I have grown a little more today.

tags: challenges, emotional duress, faith, growth, obstacles, opportunities, regret, relationships, remorse, self-control, stress

I feel so small most of the time. I look around my world and see so many people in need. There is such an urgency in my heart to reach out, to do something, anything, but in whole scheme of things, it never seems to be enough.

As a self-injurer, this dilemma was a constant source of anxiety. For every homeless person I gave money or to or bought food for, there were several more on the same street. For every cause I raised money for or donated items to, there are many more calling me at night asking for help. For every student I helped to graduate, there were others I couldn't reach and inevitably the time I was given to keep trying, was taken from me.

There are millions of people hurting in the world. China. Darfur. Mayanmar.

Such a desire to help, to reach out and do something, and I don't know what to do.

I believe with all my heart that one person can make a difference. But how to know where one can make the difference is the deciding factor between action and indecision.

I feel a lot of guilt most of the time. Compared to billions of others, I have nothing, and I mean nothing to complain about, feel bad about or want.

In the eyes of many, my life is charmed.

But a sadness remains.

If one person truly can make a difference, why do I feel like the difference I try to make is never enough?

If I had millions of dollars, I believe I could do so many wonderful things with them. We all choose how we spend our money, but I cannot understand how someone with so much would choose to use it where only he/she benefits.

I continue to get to know myself. I am learning what my boundaries are and what I can and cannot do without sacrificing myself completely.

We all have a job to do. I believe everyone has a purpose and an opportunity to make this world a better place. Indecision helps no one. But a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a selfless act all lay the foundation for the next person to take our actions one step further.

I'm learning that some people have money to give. Others, a skill. Others yet, their time. And still others, their prayers. Each of these is valuable and serves a higher purpose.

It's hard for me to think about the plans I have when so many around the world are just trying to make it one more day.

In the end, I think everyone is. All of the crosses we bear are different, just as the lessons we learn from carrying them are different.

I hear from so many people how being overwhelmed leads them to self-injure and I guess the long and short of this entry is that I understand. I too injured when I felt like nothing I did was enough or the right thing.

But sometimes life is like trying to put your finger in the dam. It may not stop the flow, but it stops the water from pelting you in the face. If everyone tried to plug a hole, the dam wouldn't leak at all.

When I watch the news tomorrow, I know there will be another hole in the dam. Some I can fix, others I will have to give to others with the skills, talents and resources to fix them.

I'm learning that's okay. Even though I put constant pressure on myself to fix all of the holes, I can't. Injuring won't make that happen. Worrying won't make that happen. Feeling bad about myself and skills I do posess won't make that happen.

No one can be all things to all people. But if everyone does their part, just a little bit at a time, the problems that looked so big when we started, become more manageable.

What a tremendous life lesson indeed.

tags: assistance, life lessons, needs, opportunities, self-esteem, self-injury, stress

Pearls are the only gemstone that are created by a living thing. A small irritant, usually a grain of sand, enters the oyster, and in response, the oyster coates the irritant with layer upon layer of "nacre". It is this "nacre" that gives the pearl its appearance. Over time, the grain of sand becomes a pearl.

I think about pearls a lot. Oysters take their obstacle, the "irritant" in their lives, and create something beautiful out of it. It takes time, but using the resources the oyster naturally has, something magnificent is created.

I think as human beings we have the same resources and the same choice with regards to the challenges we face in our lives. Out of tragedy, a new life can be created.

When I think of the obstacles in my life as opportunities to create "pearls", my perspective changes. If I never had an obstacle, I would never grow as a person or learn anything new. Like it or not, I need as many grains of sand in my life as I can get.

One day, I will pass from this world and my life will be "cut open", examined and scrutinzed. I hope that when that happens, I am filled with pearls. The world will be amazed at their diversity in color, size and shape. But these pearls, the legacies of my life, will speak volumes about how I was able to take the irritants of my life and turn them in to something amazing.

tags: challenges, gemstones, growth, life lessons, obstacles, opportunities, perspective, potential

One of the hardest concepts for my students to wrap their minds around is this: you can't get something for nothing. Nothing in this world is free. And I mean nothing. Feelings are not free, they come at a price. If you self-injure, you know what I mean. Time is not free, neither are resources or personal energy. The idea that a person can get "something for nothing" is a misnomer.

In the early days of this country, every person had to literally fight for survival each day. Pestilence, disease, malnutrition, the elements, the harshness of the land and foreign invaders threatened their lives constantly. Every bite of food, head of livestock or piece of clothing was sacrificed for in a deeply personal way. Women would work in the fields side by side with their husbands, only to then go home, cook, do laundry, care for the children, and prepare for the next day of labor. Individuals sacrificed with fervor because if they didn't, their land and lives would potentially be lost.

As the generations passed and the threat of death or invasion wasn't as imminent, people grew more "relaxed" in their efforts. The sunup to sundown work ethic remained, but farmers had the luxury of expanding their fields with their efforts rather than just maintaining them. If a neighbor needed a helping hand, the favor was returned with another favor. No one expected a "free ride", and none were given. If you lacked the discipline to take care of your fields or family, they suffered.

In more modern times of economic prosperity, the idea of "free gifts" appeared by merchants as a way of encouraging people to buy. These gifts were not free of course, but by making the person who was spending their money feel like they were getting a good deal and a "little extra", the money changed hands more freely.

Today, we are bombarded with this idea of getting something for nothing. Commercials promote this "buy one, get one free" mentality, and shoppers buy it, not realizing that the price of the one has often been inflated to compensate for the supposed "free" one.

Americans are the fattest people on the planet thanks to super-sizing meals and high calorie sodas. Although the person may not have spent extra money for the "extra" food, their cost has come in the form of extra weight, higher blood pressures and an increase in medical problems like diabetes.

Charitable giving isn't free. People work hard for their money and to donate it to a worthy cause is a sacrifice.

Time is valuable and to give it away is also worthy sacrifice.

A friendly word isn't free. It takes time and consideration to stop and share those thoughts with others.

Volunteering isn't free. Taking care of children isn't free. Education isn't free. Health care isn't free. Being a good person isn't free.

But they are all incredibly important!

Individuals shouldn't want something for nothing. If you haven't worked for it, chances are you won't value or appreciate it. By giving of yourself, you are becoming a harder worker, a better person, a more valuable citizen to this country.

Nothing in this world is without small print. The APR rates on credit cards should tell you this.

We should all be willing to give of ourselves, our time and our resources in order to make this world a better place. To want to do otherwise is an insult to those who have gone before us, sacrificing, many with their lives, to build a foundation of hope and opportunity that we all stand on today.

tags: charitable giving, donations, emotional energy, opportunities, resources, work ethic

As a teacher, I work very hard at inspiring my students to strive for excellence everyday. The tendency among many is to do just enough to get by. And at the end of the day, most have little to show for their efforts. They are bombarded by images of wealth and success that few people in the world will ever know. They size themselves up against these images and much to their amazement, fall short. Defeated and discouraged, they give up, failing to realize that these images are distorted images of a larger reality.

I too am guilty of this. It is easy to look at others on the outside and believe that what I'm seeing is true and accurate. I see the end result and fail to realize the process behind it. People of wealth and fame, for the most part, have had to work very hard to get to where they are. Stories of being discovered on the street and catapulted to stardom are exaggerated and often untrue. If someone is successful it is because they have worked and sacrificed for their position.

The world is not interested in the process...the day to day grind of getting the job done. This is not glamorous or something worthy of celebration. But I disagree.

The process is what shapes us into who we are. It is the struggles and roadblocks of life that challenge our resolve and create within us a hunger for victory. I think back to the old adage, "calm seas does not a good sailor make." If life were easy, we wouldn't grow as much as we do when things don't go our way. If we mastered everything we tried on our first attempt, there would be no internal desire to keep trying. If everyone made six figures immediately after graduating from college, there would be no desire to continue our education or seek out a better job.

In my opinion, living a life of excellence means celebrating the process. It means going beyond our nature of complacency and going that extra distance each and every day. To me, this is what separates the successful and fulfilled people from those who aren't.

I try to apply this logic to all aspects of my life. I go to the gym even when I don't want to go. If I am training for a half-marathon, I force myself to run a little further than I thought I could knowing I will be stronger for it in the long run. If I have something that has to be done, I try to do it immediately so it doesn't loom over me. For me, self-discipline is the key to excellence.

By celebrating the process and all that involves, my attitude about failure and unexpected roadblocks has changed. I know that each obstacle I face and overcome has put me one step closer to becoming the person I want to be and achieving all that I aspire to.

I hope to show my students the importance of the process. By reaching out of their comfort zones and challenging themselves to do more, they have an opportunity to be more. I hope they are starting to see struggle as growth and obstacles as opportunities.

tags: achievement, celebrity, comfort zone, excellence, goals, opportunities