There's nothing more frustrating than looking for something and not being able to find it.

The sense of, "I know it was here but now it's gone" leaves me frustrated and confused. Sometimes it literally feels like things sprout legs and walk away.

But invariably, where I thought something was proves to be incorrect. The keys I SWORE I put back in my purse have somehow found their way into the kitchen (because I had groceries in my hands when I walked in the door). Or the money I thought I had in my wallet has suddenly disappeared, and it isn't until I've turned my purse upside down, rummaged through my pants pockets and rifled through my car that I realized I don't have any money because I used the last of it to give to kids doing a fundraiser car wash.

But how my mind skips these important details and leaves me with an incomplete picture of the "truth" is troubling.

I keep three calendars. One at school, one in my purse and one at home. On each of these calendars, I have an "important engagement" written down on a day in November. But no where did I write what the engagement is!

This isn't like me.

I have poured through my e-mails, searched through my mail looking for an old invitation or some clue about what this "important engagement" is and cannot, for the life of me, find one.

What if I've double-booked myself? What if on this date, I show up somewhere and there is a group of people waiting for me somewhere else?

What if this event was tentative and not something written in stone? I don't know when I wrote it down. Maybe I was holding that date for something and it was subsequently moved to another date. (I have several "important engagements" each month)

I don't want to be irresponsible. I take meticulous notes about where I'm going, how long I will be there and what I need to do while I'm there.

To know that I have booked myself for a phantom engagement is killing me.

The day is looming closer. I keep praying for an e-mail or a friendly reminder letting me know that I am "on the books" and eagerly awaited.

But what if one never comes? What if I wake up that morning and realize I have somewhere to go but can't put a finger on where that is?

Today, I am looking for a needle in a haystack. I know there is one because it seems I put it there.

I only hope I can find it before I step on it.

tags: fear, memory, organization, over-commitment

I’ve always been fascinated with office supplies. There are so many tools created to make my life easier and more organized. Some people get excited about walking around Home Depot. But I get excited just walking through Staples! So many post-its, highlighters, pens, forms and stickers!

I wish my emotions could use office supplies.

If I could, I would paper clip all of my “good” ideas together, write them on index cards and save them for later. In reality, they are scattered across my mind.

I would use an eraser, one of the big pink ones, to delete all of the negative messages I tell myself.

I would use rubber bands to keep a tight hold on my emotions. Sometimes they get the better of me and put me in situations I feel like I continue to pay for today.

I wish I had a file cabinet big enough to store all of my memories. As I get older and have more life experiences, I find that my ability to recall specifics is becoming less and less accurate. There are things that I want to remember forever, and sometimes the only way to do that is to put it in a file, label it in block letters, and pull it out when you’re ready.

I wish I had a ruler to keep my mind pointing in one direction. More often than not I feel like I protractor, wavering back and forth between right now, the future and “back there”. A ruler would keep me going in the right direction without allowing for any stray turns.

I wish I had a set of colored pencils big enough to add more color to my life. Today is a gray day, and I long for something greater than myself to reach down and fill in the blanks with something vibrant.

I wish I had a hole punch big enough to turn the excess paper in my life into colorful confetti. Confetti is so much fun to make, but a drag to clean up. So I guess if I had the hole punch, I’d also need to buy an industrial vacuum cleaner!

And finally, I wish I had a bottle of white out large enough to correct the mistakes I’ve made. White out doesn’t take the mistakes away, but it allows you to write over them. I could use a lot of “do overs”.

tags: coping skills, corrections, hope, organization

This time every year I begin a new calendar. I mark my new calendar with birthdays, anniversaries, vacation dates and appointments. In many instances, these dates are written on post-its tacked to the backside of my old calendar.

It's always neat to go through my old calendars and revisit many of the things I've done over the last twelve months. How many things I had forgotten!

This last year marked several big changes in my life: a major move for the first time in a decade, a PR tour, international travel, several health challenges, weddings, deaths and a new addition to the family. Each of these things remain in my mind only, but are represented by a circle or star near a date on the calendar.

Today has been an interesting stroll down memory lane. There are many things documented on my old calendar that I pray I never have to repeat. But there are other more joyful events that I smile about even as I sit here writing.

Each of our lives are filled with a multitude of events that help to define who we are and what our life is like. With the hurried pace of life, we may forget many of them. But by taking a moment to reflect on a "year in review", I can see, once again, how far I've come and how many things I've done.

I look to 2008 with great anticipation. I know there are things waiting for me that I cannot possibly imagine. I pray I am strong enough to get through those things gracefully. I know there are blessings waiting for me that I want with all of my heart, and I pray that I am humble enough to accept them as gifts and use them to help others.

Today, take a moment. Give yourself a chance to reflect on the things you've done and things you want to accomplish. You can do it!

tags: achievements, goals, organization, reflection

I have always been strangely intrigued and repulsed by the items one finds at truck stops. When I travel, walking through the isles on the way to the restroom is one of my secret joys. Perhaps I am on some mental quest to find the most "bizarre" thing ever so I can tell my travel companion about it. Or perhaps I am trying to reconcile, in my mind, the product and the kind of person who would pick it up, look at the price on the bottom, and then decide, after months of being away from their family, that rattlesnake in a can, blow up dolls, candy swords or tequila worm pops are the "perfect" present! I would have never thought of eating armadillo jerky and maybe the fact that someone else did, intrigues me.

I am in the process of moving and over the last decade have accumulated a tremendous amount of "stuff". Moving forces me to go through all of my closets and drawers and re-visit those items long-forgotten and destined for the donation pile. But what has surprised me, is how many things I have that I cannot remember what they are for or where they came from. Most are new and have all of their parts, but how I came to to own them and have never used them is a mystery to me. Other things are equally baffling. I have never in my life seen so many mismatched screws, rubber stoppers, random matchbooks from places I never remember visiting and post-it note phone numbers in all of my life! And then there are the other items that clearly have a purpose, but are so contrary to my tastes, that I wonder who would have ever given it me and why I would have kept it for so long.

This brings me back to my original point. Perhaps we are not defined by the things we own. Living in a materialistic society, we are constantly getting and giving things...some we want, others we don't. Maybe the things we don't want we keep for fear of hurting the person's feelings who gave it to us. Or maybe we think there will be a time in the future when the object will come in handy. Or maybe we believe we know someone who would love it more than we would and we see a chance for re-gifting.

If I were to die tomorrow, someone would have a hard time coming in behind me and making sense of my world. I have my own organizational system and my own way of storing things. Things that make me laugh, other people might say are stupid. Newspaper clippings I have saved because they prompted me to act or to gave me a new idea to write about, others would think were trash. Items that are of sentimental value to me only, would be garage sale fodder for someone else. It's all relative.

I think it's great that I live in a country where someone can appreciate the items at truck stops. Maybe those things bring a smile or a warm feeling to someone who spends most of their time alone. Just because I don't appreciate it or see what purpose those things might serve, doesn't mean that others don't.

Tolerance comes in a variety of forms. As I am going through the last ten years of my life by looking at objects I once considered important, I realize my opinions and tastes have changed over the years. Things that I can no longer use, I am donating. I hope that they bring joy into the lives of someone who needs it. The things I am keeping, I am working hard to re-organize better. If I am going to keep something with me, I should know I have it and use it regularly. Otherwise, what's the point?

It sounds simple, but appreciating diversity comes in a variety of forms. There are billions of people in the world, and everyone has different backgrounds and experiences that influence who they are and what they like. It is important that we remind ourselves of these differences! Then and only then can the items at the truck stop take on a new and more relevant meaning!

tags: diversity, judgemental, materialism, organization, tolerance