I cannot tell you how many times I have been reassured by people in my life that I can “call anytime” and that hearing from me is “no bother”. What I can tell you is that I have NEVER called.

It was hard for me to believe that sharing my problems with others wouldn’t bring them down too, and so I kept my feelings to myself. This belief acted as constant fuel for my self-injury.

It seemed like the angrier I was, the more upset I became and the more violent my episodes. The power of my feelings scared me and often I was fearful that I wouldn’t be able to control my SI enough not to cause permanent damage to my bones, muscles or nerves.

It’s sad to say that there are times when you want to be saved from yourself, but it’s true.

There have been many times of desperation when cutting or hitting just wasn’t enough. Those were the scariest times of my life.

So what is a person to do?

I wish now that I would have allowed the people in my life to be there for me. At the time, I thought their offers to talk or come and get me in the middle of the night weren’t sincere and in reality, they were. I didn’t call them because I was afraid of bothering them, or burdening them with my problems. I didn’t call them because I was afraid that they would think what had upset me so much wasn’t that big of a deal. I was afraid that that the things I might tell them would destroy their image of me as a person.

And I was afraid that they would learn about my terrible secret and judge me for it.

I have felt so alone my whole life because I have never met anyone like myself. But because I never allowed myself to be vulnerable in the eyes of others, I added another level of isolation in my life.

SI is hard enough without the additional burdens of loneliness and shame. If you have someone in your life that you trust that is willing to talk to you or come and get you away from a dangerous situation, let them do that for you.

People want to help, they just don’t know how. I wanted help, but didn’t know how to ask for it. It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to break it is to reach out to the people in your life.

I don’t know if I would have self-injured less by talking to a friend or not. But the possibility is there and I didn’t have the courage to take advantage of it.

I hope you will be stronger than I was.

tags: cut, cutters, cutting, getting help, healing, recovery, self-injure, self-injury, therapy

An article in the Iowa City Press-Citizen this week focuses on the prevalence of anorexia among boys. Years ago it was thought that anorexia was predominately a female disorder and the statistics reflected this belief: for every 10-15 women with anorexia there was 1 male. Thanks to extensive research of males and eating disorders, the statistics have changed. For every 4 females who struggle with anorexia, there is 1 male. And for bulimics, the ratio is equal between males and females.

So what does this mean? Why would there be such a difference between statistics? Before I answer that question, let’s look at another example.

If you were to look at the statistics of people who struggle with self-injury, you would find that females were represented most highly. And yet, as I have participated in national radio interviews, more than half of the callers have been men!

Like all statistical analysis, your results are based on several factors, with sample size being one of the most important. If your sample is not representative of the population you are studying, the numerical results you end up with may be skewed.

If you look at how males are raised to deal with struggles in their lives, you will understand why the statistics may look as they do. Men are raised to be stoic and to deal with their frustration in a physical way…sports, weight lifting, etc. It is more natural that they would be hurt because of the situations they may put themselves in (daredevil behavior, etc.). What may be really be self-injury, may be written off as an injury from another legitimate source.

Males are not traditionally raised to talk about their feelings. This means they may be less inclined to seek out professional help. This reality means that if someone were to look at the statistical number of people who sought help, women would make up more of the numerical percentage. This does not mean however, that men are not also struggling!

The bottom line is we should be careful when looking at statistics. Dig deeper into the research behind them before you make up your mind about what they say. How many people are represented in the sample? What was the time frame and location of the research study? Was this a long-term study? Who sponsored the study? How was the study funded?

All of these questions are incredibly important as we look at statistics. Every day on the news we hear numbers which are presented as facts. And yet if a group is not represented well in the research, what may be a fact today may not be tomorrow.

The reality is both men and women struggle with eating disorders and self-injury. One group may seek professional help more often than the other, but that does not diminish the number of people who are struggling.

Source: http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007705030318

tags: anorexia, body image, bulimia, cut, eating disorders, females, gender, males, self-injure, self-injury, statistics, weight

For almost every other disorder in the world, there is an accountability element as part of the treatment plan. Individuals who are a part of a 12-step program are partnered with someone else who is in recovery in order to provide mutual stability for both people during times of weakness.

And yet, for people who struggle with self-injury, finding an accountability partner is incredibly difficult. Few people who self-injure will readily admit that they do and so in times of emotional stress, may not have someone who can relate to their pain, to call or go to.

I was with my ex-husband for sixteen years and his fear of my self-injury led to denial. He was very afraid people would think I was a battered wife and urged me to stop. But that was it. He never talked to me about the feelings behind my actions and his blatant refusal to try and "save me from myself" led to more anger, resentment and self-injury.

February 2007 marked my one year anniversary of not self-injuring. After struggling for more than 30 years with self-injury (cutting, bruising, blunt force trauma, breaking bones, etc.), I found someone who would hold me accountable for my behavior in times of emotional duress.

The first time this person heard about my self-injury he asked for my "tools." I about died. How could I possibly give up the very things that kept me sane? I refused and said I needed them. He asked me to trust him. He said he would "keep" them for me and if I ever thought I needed them, I could ask for them back and we would discuss whether or not self-injury was my only alternative. It took me almost a month to turn my tools over to him.

Since then, I have asked for them only twice (and was told "no") and through talking with him, have realized that cutting wasn't my only option for expressing myself. By not having my tools readily available, the spontaneity of self-injury has been greatly reduced. Not being able to self-injure and being forced to use my words has changed my life. In the beginning it was incredibly difficult and frustrating. But as the months pass, I have learned that it is possible to use words to express what my heart feels. Each emotional episode that I go through without injuring is like a badge of honor to me.

For me to self-injure now would be a huge step backwards. I want to go forwards and my accountability partner is helping me. It is has been crucial for me to have someone to call in the middle of the night or to hold me back from doing something I will later regret. It has been a little more than a year since I self-injured, but it feels like a lifetime. I feel like I have started a new chapter in my life and want to encourage others that they can too.

Find someone you can trust with the "truth." Show them the darkest sides of who you are so they can help bring you back into the light. Your heart and your body will thank you. Trust me, I know.

tags: cut, cutters, cutting, healing, recovery, self-injure, self-injury

According to Dr. Tracy Alderman, a San Diego psychologist and self-injury expert, roughly 13-18% of teens in America deliberately hurt themselves. So what does that mean? How many youths is this disorder impacting? According to US Census data from 2005, 6.8% of the US population is comprised of males ages 15-19, and 6.4% are girls. With a population of over 288 million people in the US, that means that more than 1% of boys and girls ages 15-19 are self-injuring! That is an incredible number of young people!

The United States is ill-prepared to help this number of young people. There needs to be additional funds and resources made available so that individuals who seek help will have access to professionals trained in self-injury! Few therapists and doctors have received training on self-injury and that must change! However, before this kind of training can be identified as a need, more people need to speak out about self-injury. Because this disorder is rooted in shame, few people discuss self-injury and so the statistics are misleading. If someone were to look at the number of reported self-injurers, the numbers would be way too low. It is time to unite and speak up! Self-injury doesn't have to be a terminal condition, but without proper training and education among individuals in the medical community, it may be. The young people of this country need our help. They are relying on us to open doors of healing for them!

tags: healing, recovery, self-injure, self-injury, statistics, teenagers, tracy alderman

from the new book
COMES THE DARKNESS, COMES THE LIGHT:
A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope
by Vanessa Vega
published by AMACOM Books

The darkness started coming for me on Monday. Much like the flu, it hit the base of my spine first. The slight but undeniable tingling that just won't go away. I have a chill to my bones that I cannot seem to shake, even though I take two to three hot baths a day to try and alleviate it. My patience is nil. My sense of humor, gone. My desire to go anywhere or do anything has left me. I throw myself into a flurry of activity: if I run hard and fast enough, maybe I can beat it this time. Sometimes that works. But not this time.

( Click to read more. )

tags: book excerpt, cut, cutters, cutting, healing, recovery, self-injure, self-injury